I often wish I was able to go away to college like I had planned. It I know that if I had Steven and I wouldn’t be together. I’m not stupid. He can’t behave when I’m here so there’s Jo way he would while I was away. I just wonder where my life you be right now if I never had Brayden. I wonder who I would be with, if anyone at all. Since I know we wouldn’t be together if j had left, I also wonder why I am still with him. I wonder if he cares about me, if he wants to be with me. I wonder what his true feelings are.
Even though I wonder what life would be like without Brayden, I wouldn’t change what I have for anything. He keeps me going. Gives me someone to live and care for who I know truly loves me and always will. It’s so rewarding when he looks at me and I can tell that he loves me with all he’s got and that I am his whole world. It is the greatest feeling in the entire world. I love him so much.
I hate you. You will never understand how much you hurt me. You will never understand how much it still hurts. It will never fade. It will never go away. It’s pathetic how much you can lie to someone and still act like you care about them. I’m not fucking stupid. I knew they were lies. I know you don’t care.
I’m excited for next week. I have a final on Monday and a final on Thursday and then I am done with school for the semester and have winter break until the day after Martin Luther king day, which will be like the 21st or 22nd. It will be just lovely. I just have to survive 3 more days of school, a test, and two finals. I can do this.